|
[21 Dec 2006|12:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
Honestly I trust these people with my life.
I'd do anything for them.
They make my life so great.
I wouldn't give them up for anything.
Even 20 years from now I'll hold a special place for them in my heart.
They've made me who I am today.
They have stuck by myself when no one else did.
These are my best friends.
My grandma.
I don't have a picture of her on the computer but she was truly an angel. She was my second mom. She took the place of me not having a great father. Whenever I had a problem she always found a way to make me smile. On Saturdays we would sometimes just sit down on the couch and color all day long. Or I remember when I was sick my mom would take me over to her house when she had to work and my grandma would let me lay in her bed and watch t.v and then she'd make me soup. She loved me and my sister so much. She always worried about us. As annoy as it got, I have to admit now that she's gone I miss it. I miss her not coming outside every minute when I'm out in my front yard telling me to stay close so someone wont get me. Honestly no words I type on here can explain what she means to me. She passed away 03-04-04, and truthfully I still cry when I think about it long enough. Her last words she ever said were "Are Amber and Ashley alright?" and my mom told her yes and that Ashley was picking me up from school. I remember it like it was yesterday because thats something you never forget. I was in 7th grade, and she had just gotten out of the hospital and was put in a nursing home for therapy since she had broken her hip and after school my mom and I were suppose to go over there to help her fix it up. When I walked out of school that day my sister picked me up and told me that my grandma had taken a turn for the worst. That my mom would probably be up at the hospital for most of the night with her. At about 9 or so my dad came into my room and told me she passed away. It was a pretty much surreal moment, I didn't really realize what was happening. My sister was crying and I was just there, calm as I've ever been my whole life. Then later on my sister-in-law came over to help my sister and me out since my mom wasn't home. When my mom got home I figured she'd be a complete wreck, but she wasn't. Well she was but she wasn't crying and I figured she would be. We were both pretty much in shock. I still find it odd that on that day I honestly remember everything I did, I remember what I was doing when my father told me she had passed away, I remember what I was watching on t.v when my sister came home crying, I remember calling Tiffany and telling her, and I remember everything she said. I remember what I ate for dinner, I remember going to the store with my sister-in-law and what we bought. Same with the day of her viewing and funeral. The day of the viewing and funeral is when it really hit me. I couldn't stop crying, this lady who had practically raised me wouldn't be with me anymore. No longer would she be sitting on the couch when I wake up every morning on Thursday, Friday or Saturday. Honestly, it's the small things that I took forgranted that I miss. I regret not telling her I loved her that last day I saw her in the hospital. I was being stupid and immature in the worst mood because homework had me stressed. When honestly she was hurting so much more than I was. But I know she'll always be with me, she knew how much I loved her. Words can't even describe it. I'd give up anything just to spend one more day with her, seriously I'd give up my house and everything I own.
My mom
Yes, my mom is my best friend. She's thought me so much. She's taught me right from wrong. I listen to everything important she has to tell me. Some people wonder how I can be so close to my mom and the truth is, now shes the only parent I can rely on. If it wasn't for her, the only people I'd have to rely on as the youngest in my family is my older brother and sister. I guess it's because we're so much alike. We act the same, we dance like losers in the car when a good song comes on. We go to the mall, movies and out to eat every Saturday. Everyone tells her and me how much we look alike. I take it as a compliment. She is truly the most beautiful person, on the inside and outside. She has a wonderful personality and keeps me in line. Yes we do have times when we disagree because she is my mother so she has to act like my mother too not just my best friend. However I know she's just trying to get me to learn for when I get older and become an adult. She is the best mom anyone could have, I love her to death.
Amanda
I've known her since Kindergarten. She is like my sister. Actually it's pretty funny, when me, her, and both our moms are together we always talk about how Amanda and my mom are more alike that Amanda and her mom, and how I'm more like her mom then I am my mom. It's like my mom and Amanda and more outgoing and in your face, and definitely more blonde. Then me and her mom are more laid back and quiet and more smart. It's pretty funny but it's the truth. Anyway we've definitely had our fair share of arguments growing up, but they were all in the past when we were immature, young and didn't know anything. Now we still argue but it's only for like 2 minutes, now they are more like sisterly fights rather than friend fights. We're always together. She basically lives over at my house. Yeah she can be annoying, which I tell her, but I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything. I love her to death.
Tiffany
She honestly taught me that no matter how many friends you lose, and are untrue to you that you can ALWAYS find that one true friend who can put everything back together that was broken. She was there for me when everyone I considered a true friend left me. Honestly at one point she was the only friend I had. & i'm not afraid to admit it. Yes I only had one friend, but to me it didn't matter. It's not the quanity of your friends it's the quality of how they are. Whenever we would hang out, nothing else mattered. We would stay up late, writing stories, making inside jokes, talking about hot celebrities, and just any other thing we could think of. She was there by my side at my grandma's funeral. She missed school to go to it, even when she didn't have to, she wanted to. That seriously meant more to me than anything in the world. Shes that one friend in a million that you can find. People always tell me how hard it is to find a honestly true friend that can be there for you through everything. I never can tell them "yeah I know how you feel. It's pretty much impossible to find a true friend." because honestly, I found mine. I have a friend I can count on no matter what. I tell her things that I don't tell any of my other friends. She knows me inside and out probably more than I know myself. No one could ever replace her, no matter how many new friends I make.
Jesse
Truthfully if when he first came to Elmore Park and someone told me we'd become best friends I'd have to laugh in their face and tell them "you're kidding right?" It's not that I didn't want to be friends with him, it's just no matter how many times I told people I never judged someone before I got to know them. I ended up judging him right when he got into our class. I thought he was just some big asshole. I dunno, maybe its because he would always say these little comments outloud in class and they seemed kind of jerkish to me. However eventually we ended up having to sit at the same table with each other and we got to know each other. Gradually we ended up becoming best friends. Now he's the kind of friend that can make me smile no matter how bad of a day I'm having. I can never get mad at him. He's the greatest person to be around because you always end up having so much fun. Some how I trust him with a lot of things, some people might find it impossible to but I dunno I just do. He is my best friend, I love him like crazy. I'm scared of losing his friendship, probably because so many times in my life I've lost every single person I've grown close to. & whenever I become close to people, I always think that at one time in another this person is going to not care about our friendship and leave me for the next best thing. I can't help but think that. But honestly I wouldn't trade his friendship for anything, he is seriously amazing.
Emily
We're so alike it's crazy. We have so many inside jokes that everyone else would look at us like we're crazy if we explained them to them. We're not afraid to act like lesbians in public, because honestly we both know we're not. She's taught me how to not care about what others think of me. She makes me laugh, I can trust her with anything. We never get to hang out as much as we want to but we're so close. We can finish each others sentences. We like pretty much all the same guys. She is amazing. I love her to death, she is my other half. Seriously sometimes I feel as if we were separated at birth.
Honestly, I always wonder what I did that was so great in my life that god decided to give me people that were this amazing.
Okay last night I wen't to see Holiday with my mom and there was this quote in the movie that really hit me. Seriously It was so true that I was amazed.
"Feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible and how it can actually ache in places that you didn’t know you had inside you and It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join or how many glasses of Chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood and how in the hell in that brief moment you could think you were that happy and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he’ll see the light and show up at your door and after all that, however long all that may be you’ll go somewhere new and meet people who make you feel worthwhile again and little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted that will eventually begin to fade."
Okay so I took some new pictures last weekend so here they are.
|
|
|
[20 Nov 2006|05:03pm] |
|
Okay so Saturday I went to see The All American Rejects. The show was so amazing. Seriously, it was the best concert I've ever been to. All the bands were the best. I took so many pictures, my camera ended up going dead after about the 4th song by the All American Rejects but I got some videos of them so it's all good. After the show we stood outside to try and meet them but we only ended up meeting Kenny from The Starting Line, which was awesome because I've been wanting to meet him since I was in about 5th grade. Also we met the guitarist from Gym Class Heros. The All American Rejects left right after the concert to go party on Beale street. Which was crappy but oh well. They stayed the next day to tour around the city since their next show was on the 21st which I thought was cool. Umm seriously I definately want to go see them next time they come here. They are amazing live. Tyson is funny as hell.
Gym Class Heros
The Format
The Starting Line
The All American Rejects
Me & Amanda waiting on The Starting Line to Play then the All American Rejects
|
|
| Sick of the way I am feeling...waking up watching myself slipping |
[11 Nov 2006|12:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
So wow I've learned so much about myself yesterday.
1] I'm a bad friend.
2] I'm never there for Tiffany and her stupid obsessive boy problems.
3] I had a bad attitude torward Taylor all week.
4] I'm a bad person because I didn't offer to let Taylor come inside yesterday, even though I had 4 tests to study for and 2 days of make up work, but plus homework from that night.
5] Girls hate me before they even know me.
6] I've been speaking my mind a lot this week, and I think I like it.
7] Now truthfully, I don't care what the hell anyone thinks of me. I use to say I didn't before, but deep down I still kind of did. However now, there is nobody that I need to impress. You either like me or you don't. Take your pick, I won't loose one bit of sleep over it.
8] Out of all my friends, I only have 4 that are true. Yes I'll drop names, Amanda, Jesse, Emily, and Tiffany.
9] I'm not dating until I'm out of highschool. Guys are way to immature in highschool.
10] According to my mom if I keep having my attitude I've been having, I won't have any friends. Well, that's not the case. Half of the people I 'considered' my friends and 'thought' were my friends over the summer, ended up being fakes anyway. So no I will not be loosing any friends. It's not my fault they are immature and do not know the real term for a 'friendship' I'm sick of all of them saying 'Dude Amber you're the best, you're my favorite friend.' then not even talking to me hardly at school or ever asking me to hang out. Get over yourselves I'm to good for you guys anyway.
11] I let to many people walk over me.
12] If someone says something to me that is suppose to be mean but is only joking around, then I suggest you watch what you say because more and likely I'll end up saying a lot of shit about you that is the truth. & trust me I'm sure as hell you won't like it.
& if I think of anymore, trust me I'm post them.
Something I wrote. You can either like it or not. I don't care, I didn't write it for your entertainment.
It's the people you care about most that change. The ones you thought would always be there but then one day they stop calling. Then another day goes by, a week, a month, then a year. You no longer say 'hey' to each other in the hallways. You think back to the beginning of the year when they would run up to you and give you the biggest hug that it would almost knock you down. Now all you get is an occasional smile or wave. You see them running up to someone new giving them that hug that use to be yours. You get the feeling that you've been replaced. Truthfully it's just highschool that changes people. It helps you realize your true friends. It doesn't mean they don't like you, you both have just grown up and went different ways. Yeah maybe when you get older, years after highschool, you might pass each other on the street and smile. Maybe talk about the weather since that's what people seem to do when they haven't seen or spoken to each other in a while. But nothing or no one, no matter what you've done or who they have met, nothing can ever let you two forget your friendship you once had. Those summer days you spent together with nothing to do. Because those are what made us and helped us to be what we are today. & nothing in a million years can change that.
Pictures taken at the Mall Friday..or saturday, I forgot.
Me
Justin and Me
Me about to pick my nose.
Taylor and Me.
|
|
|
[30 Oct 2006|09:18pm] |
Okay so tomorrow is Halloween. I'm really excited. I've been having a pretty good time lately. I like this guy named Cory. Shane said he thinks he likes me because their best friends and all that and he said it seemed like he did. Also he asked him and he said yeah. Anyway Saturday I went to the mall with Amanda. We saw Blake walking in so we walked in with him and saw Aaron, Sean and Cory. Aaron left to go to some Halloween party and then all the rest of us stayed up hung out until 9. It was fun. I've been really happy lately, and I love it. I'm going to see the All American Rejects November 18. It's going to be the best ever. Okay so here are some pictures from Saturday.
there's a big world out there. bigger
than prom, bigger than high school &
it won't matter if you were the prom
queen or the quarterback of the football
team or the biggest nerd. find out who
you are & try not to be afraid of it.
nobody is perfect.
perfection is a lack of flaws
and a lack of flaws is a
flaw in itself, which makes
the perfect person in
question, have a flaw.
i've heard that its possible to grow up, i've just never met anyone whose actually done it. without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. we throw tantrums when things don't go our way. we whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark. we look for comfort where we can find it. and we hope, against all logic, against all experience, like children - we never give up hope.
i know ; we're complete strangers now.
we both pretend like we don't care
but i can feel the tension as much as you can.
i know how to hide my feelings, from your piercing stare
& no matter what you think, i still miss you
when someone is gone from your life for a really long time, you start to forget stuff about them. like, you forget what their voice sounded like … and how they loved you so much … and how everything you did was completely okay with them.
&nowiswhen
you start to realize who really matters ;
who never did ; & who always will
Trust me on this one...
I know how it feels
when you love somone for so long
that you just want to give up.
But don't because everything may turn around
when you least expect it.
sometimes all you need are
those few best friends.
only you have that capability
to make me smile when i
dont really want to..
it`s love, it`s hope, it`s fear, it`s trust .
it`s hate, it`s friendship, it`s broken, it`s misery .
it`s youme .
Friends are those rare people who ask you
how you are && actually wait for an answer
She's beautiful, but she'll never admit it.
Music is her life, literally.
Ask for a good song, she'll give you 5.
Pearls and jeans are her trademarks.
She's afraid of the dark & obsessed with coffee.
When she smiles her whole face lights up.
And her heart's been broken by a guy
who doesnt love her anymore
this is for the girls who don't always win,
who stay up all night listening to music that
inspires them to do things next to impossible
the girls that laugh, smile, cry
and think all on a daily basis
the girls who like, learn, and regret
the girls who may never have it easy
the girls who learn the hard way
and live to tell about it
the real girls.
this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you date the people you thought you never would, & you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, & to feel as if everything is really falling apart. There will be times that your life seems so absolutely horrible it feels like it's not real. Despite all this, good things will come too. You'll make the most amazing friends that will be there for you even when they probably shouldn't. Your broken heart will heal once you find the most perfect guy you've ever met, & just as nothing else can go wrong, things will only get better. There will be the days you are so happy, & the days that you feel like dying. Drama happens, gossip goes around, & people talk shit. Maybe this is just high school, maybe it's life, or maybe this is just what growing up is.
|
|
| in crowded rooms I feel lost |
[20 Aug 2006|01:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
Taken yesterday.
Okay so I'm at a baby shower right now.
My moms work got together for someone
who is pregnant at her work and so we're
having it at our house. Umm soo
I'm bored because I don't like being around
a lot of people since I'm shy.. =(
I woke up at 7:00A.M today.
I like waking up early,
only if I get atleast 10 hours
of sleep.
I'm hungrey I haven't eaten since
when I woke up and that was only
cereal. Which I have to eat it
and it's disgusting.
So I'm gonna go.
|
|
| My babys pretty as a car crash |
[30 Jul 2006|01:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy//excited |
] |
You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and even "The Man" and you think it's OK.
But when I call you, "Nigger", "Kike", "Towelhead", "Sand-Nigger", "Camel Jockey", "Beaner" or "Chink" you call me a racist.
You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live
You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET.
If we had WET(white entertainment television) we'd be racists.
If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists.
If we had white history month, we'd be racists.
If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists.
If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists.
In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights.
If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists.
You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.
You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist.
I am white. I am proud.
But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists?
Ok so "Modern Swinger" By The Pink Spiders has got to be just the best song ever.
she's out of luck and out of hope and out of cigarettes
misunderstood with naked pictures on the internet
her social deviance is teasing me I know what I want
and I'm really gonna really let her know that I like her
but I just don't care enough to fool around with love
yeah my baby's pretty as a car crash sexy as the stinger of a hornet in your arm
just another modern swinger screaming "catch me if you can" with a cigarette in hand and it's love
it's heavy and it hurts and it's love
strung out on blow she doesn't know why she's not feeling good
dropped out of school and now she's moving out to Hollywood her reckless decadence is taking things a little too far yeah my baby's pretty as a car crash subtle as a splinter yeah my baby's smooth as sandpaper warm just like the winter screaming "catch me if you can" with a cigarette in hand and it's love
it's heavy and it hurts and it's love
staring at my shoes thinking of something to say but
nothing's better than what silence is saying
when every time I turn around she's always looking away
it's just the nature of the game that we're playing
And I think Im tapping out, I think Im gonna skip the title bout
new pictures
Today
    
Last night
  
*Last night when My brother, my mom, Tina, Dylan and I were walking into Buffao Wild Wings* My brother: Look at her trying to be all cute *talking about me* Me: I don't have to try. *he laughs* (I found it pretty amusing)
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
plastic_hearts4's journal
amused
tired
depressed
